What is your Why? Turning a Rant into a Resource

As a blogger, I write about brands, topics, and styles that don't always appeal to everyone. Heck, nothing I write EVER appeals to everyone; it's impossible to please all the people all of the time. Believe me, over the past 19 years as a blogger, I have tried to please everyone and failed. And that's fine; it has helped me become a more discerning shopper and reviewer. Constructive criticism has made me a better writer and blogger.

Over the past few years, I've seen a tone change in comments. They're critical but not constructive, and I find them concerning. Not just because I have to read them but because they tell how we feel and interact with the world around us.

I originally wrote this in the summer of 2022, but I felt it appropriate to republish it with a new year and experiencing more of this than ever before. And we grown-ass women are better than this. Rants without a resource are NOT stylish.

What is Your Why?

More and more, I see comments that could be considered Cloud Yelling, inspired by Grampa Simpson from The Simpsons. It's a personal rant, and it's a doozy. It's a venting of frustrations, it's a telling it how it is, it's keeping it real, but it's serving zero purpose because, along with the personal rant, there is no why.

I discussed the power of the why when discussing the term flattering. Just like the word flattering, if your personal rant doesn't include the why, it serves no benefit.

We're in a time where everything seems… wrong. There is a lot to be angry about, and with the internet, we all have soapboxes we can hop on to share our frustrations. However, if you vent frustration without the why, your rant disappears into the metaverse. No one cares.

With a little tailoring of critical criticism, you not only get out your frustration, but you may benefit others at the same time. And we all could use a little support from one another right now.

I've been blogging for almost 20 years, I'm a social media influencer, I have a newsletter. I also avidly consume other blogs, social media platforms, and newsletters. With this experience, I will share some of the most popular personal rants I've encountered and ways to adjust them to increase your power and chance of finding a benefit from your frustration.

First, Let's Discuss the Volume of Comments (And Whether Yours Will Even Be Read)

Off and on over the past couple of years, I've turned off DMs on Instagram. I didn't really want to. I had built up some really great discussions with followers and had a lot of fun. But with the fun was a lot of frustration. I would receive rants about brands, rants about bodies, rants about the retail industry, and rants about me. Sometimes, those rants weren't even related to anything I shared; they were just folks who were frustrated and thought I could relate and would care.

And I get that, and honestly, that makes me proud to be trusted in such a way. But I want to provide a bit of perspective. I am considered a micro-influencer with a little over 29,000 Instagram followers. I receive so many DMs I often can't manage them and turn them off to get back some of my life.

Your typical popular influencer or fashion brand on Instagram has ten times as many followers. Imagine what is in their DMs! I know from talking to other influencers that many of your DMs are deleted before being read. Many influencers (including micro-influencers) have an assistant who reads their DMs, replies to them, and only lets the influencer know what they deem the most important.

That is just one of my platforms. I also have this blog, my comments form, multiple email inboxes, Threads, Pinterest, a Wardrobe Oxygen Facebook page, and a Facebook group. I also have a newsletter that individuals reply to, which brings more emails to my inbox. This means that every month, half a million folks can be experiencing some form of content I have created, and many of them have thoughts on that content. And again, I am considered by many to be a “micro-influencer.”

Next, Let's Discuss Typical Rants Turning Them Into Resources

Your comments are important, but to have them read, remembered, and acted upon, you must do more than share a personal rant. You need that why. Let me show you some examples:

I can't fit into that brand.

I get the comment, “I can't fit into that brand/designer/store,” all the time. And it's a valid complaint… only if you share why. I can't fit into that brand because it's not size-inclusive and only goes up to a 14. I can't fit into that brand because I am pear-shaped, and all their pants seem made for an apple, even the curvy fit. I can't fit into that brand because I have a large bust, and everything from knit tees to button-front shirts struggle across the chest, even when I size up.

When I get such a comment on a public platform (Facebook, Instagram, the blog) that doesn't include the why, I scan it and move on. Sometimes, others reply to that comment with their why, and it becomes a useful thread. But more often than not, the other commenters also ignore the self-focused complaint.

The way to be read, be respected, and possibly create positive action is by turning your rant into a PSA. Share the why, and your rant gains power. Some examples of adding the why to a fit rant:

“Great dress, but I don't shop at The Frock Shop because they dropped their petite line in 2017. I've emailed them. I even signed a petition another influencer started, and they were ignored. I even noticed that when others comment on their social media about the lack of petites, they delete those comments.”

“Great dress, but The Frock Shop doesn't fit me. I find that Frocks R Us has a similar aesthetic but is built more for an apple shape, which we both have. You should check them out.”

“The Frock Shop doesn't fit me. Even though their size chart goes up to a 20, I find the brand runs smaller than many similar shops. For example, I love Frocks R Us. I am a 2X or a 20/22 there, and the fit is consistent. But I've tried The Frock Shop three different times over the past two years, and each time, their size 20 feels at least a size too small, and the measurements don't match the size chart.”

This kind of information piques my interest, makes me do more research, and makes me question whether I will feature that brand, style, or store again. When such comments are shared on public platforms, individuals are likelier to “like” it and reply to it, increasing its reach. Brands and influencers notice if an Instagram comment has dozens of hearts. Not only are you extending your reach, but you're also helping out others with your PSA. Power AND positivity!

That is too expensive for me.

This is the same kind of complaint, it requires a why with it to make it valid and not just bitching into an internet black hole. Because if there's no why, no one cares whether or not you can afford that dress, including me. But if you add the why, you have my ear. Some examples of adding a why:

“That is too expensive for me. I have been following you for ten years, and in the past six months, your average outfit went from around $250 to $800, and it's just too rich for my blood as a 42-year-old project manager in suburban Ohio.”

“That is too expensive for me. I used to shop this brand all the time and found the quality stellar but in the past couple of years they have been using only synthetic fabrics, the sewing has been shoddy, and the last dress I bought from them the zipper broke the first time I wore it. Sadly, this brand is not the quality it used to be.”

“That is too expensive for me. Now that I am retired, I am on a fixed income and cannot justify spending over $39 for a t-shirt. For anyone else in a similar situation, I got this t-shirt from Frocks ‘N' Tees for $28, and it's awesome: [link].”

All of these comments still criticize the cost of the item but explain why. It helps me better know my audience. It also helps others. Quality changes, budgets, lifestyle changes, worthy alternatives… you're making this world better while getting your point across.

That is ugly.

If you want to know what comments grind my gears the most? The kind that, honestly, was like my early content on Wardrobe Oxygen. Back in 2005, I thought I knew everything and that I would be more successful with a voice of authority and expertise. That voice used a heckuva lot of negative words like awful, tacky, unflattering, gross, trashy, ugly.

This blog introduced me to women across the globe who live very different lives and have very different bodies, beliefs, priorities, and needs. It taught me that negative words can hurt in ways I can't even imagine. They exclude, they embarrass, they judge, and they yuck a lot of folks' yums.

And when you choose to share those negatively worded comments on another person's online platform, it's even more obnoxious. Go get yourself a Threads account, get on TikTok, build your own blog to write your tirades. Be snarky and witty and holier than thou on your own platform, not another's. (Sites that thrive from a snarky comment section are, of course, not included.)

How to share your thoughts with a positive spin? Use the Thumper Rule: if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all. And if you're so pumped up to rant, you can use that energy to get creative with your Thumper-approved response.

Let's say you despise suede, and your favorite blogger wrote an entire article about suede fashion for fall:

• “While I don't wear suede myself, that camel dress is a beautiful color and silhouette.”
• “I'm not a suede fan, but I do think the collages you made are gorgeous!”
• “I'm vegan and don't wear animals, but I appreciate your care in finding size-inclusive options.”
• “I don't wear suede and leather but I found this cute dress that is a similar color and style and made from cotton [link].”
• Remember, it's also okay to not comment. There is power in not engaging.

I liked you better then.

We online folks who have been around more than a couple of years get these kinds of comments all the time. I liked you better when you did something different, wore different fashion, wrote about different topics, I liked you better then. I read this kind of comment, and I never think, “Wow, maybe I should go back to how it used to be.” I instead think, “Wow, this person is stuck in the past.”

If I were still writing about the same thing I wrote about ten years ago… well, I wouldn't be doing this job anymore. Not only would it not be financially viable, but it would also be a miserable slog. And I can't even imagine wearing the same sort of outfits I wore a decade ago. I am a different person, my life is different, my outlook on the world is different, and with that, this site and the content I create is different.

Essentially, when you're telling me you liked me better then, you're telling me, “I liked you better when you were that way because I am still that way and need confirmation that being that way is okay.” And you're not going to get that from me or from any self-respecting individual with an online presence. I've changed, and I will continue to change. Haven't you changed over time?

It's frustrating when things change, but everything changes. The healthiest thing with change is to move with it, or move on to something (or someone or somewhere) else. When you complain about something or someone changing, I encourage you to again add the why to it. That why can be hard, but it can also give you amazing insight into yourself and how you may have also changed.

I have an issue with myself.

I often receive comments and emails that aren't necessarily feedback but an opportunity for individuals to list what they find wrong with themselves. They can't wear a certain style, their body has changed, their skin can't deal with a certain ingredient, their hair is unmanageable, etc.

I get it, it SUCKS when you feel you're in a battle with yourself. Maybe it's something you have dealt with all your adult life; maybe it's a new issue due to age or health or life changes. Been there, am there. I get it.

But you know what won't help the situation? Bitching about it on the internet. Well, bitching about it without a why. And in this case, the why isn't what happened; your why is a call to action to fellow readers or followers of that content. Here are some examples:

“I had my son three years ago and while the scale is back to my original weight, my body is a completely different shape and none of my old clothes fit. I have no idea how to dress this new body that has larger breasts and larger hips. Has anyone else gone through this? Any tips on where to shop, especially on a budget?”

“Since my hair started going gray, it's so coarse and frizzy. I don't know how to manage it; everything I try just makes it look greasy. Has anyone else experienced this and has some advice for me?”

“I used to wear skirts like that, but when I went through menopause suddenly I ended up with this pooch belly and I lost a lot of the roundness of my rear. I love wearing feminine silhouettes and miss my bias-cut skirts and dresses. Can anyone relate? Is there a brand or silhouette I should look for that will work with this new body of mine?”

The thing is, with comments, other folks see it. And even if the author of the piece you're commenting on doesn't have advice, others may. This is why Facebook groups are so great; they're a popular place to ask questions and receive answers from multiple people. But the comment fields on blogs and social media posts can also be a treasure trove of advice and support… only if you ask for it.

So ask for it. There are so many people out there thinking they're the only one, as well as so many people out there who have been there and may have some advice to help you through. We live in a time of extreme information, a person reading your plea may be hella knowledgeable in the subject. I have had my life changed for the better thanks to a comment on social media; asking these questions helps you and helps others, too.

I am unfollowing or unsubscribing.

There is nothing wrong with outgrowing an influencer. While there are some writers, bloggers, influencers, brands, and online personalities I have followed for eons and will continue to follow, there are many I let go of because they were no longer a good fit. But I have never told them I stopped following them because I know they don't really care.

If you are at the point where you're 100% dunzo with an online person or brand, writing out a soliloquy in a comment or email makes you look like you don't know how to use the internet. Those who have been on the internet most of their life know that announcing your departure takes away your power. But having you disappear, no longer being a follower, a pageview, or a subscriber… that is your superpower.

Announcing you are unfollowing or unsubscribing is the blogging equivalent of asking to speak to the manager. Replying to a newsletter requesting to be unsubscribed is the equivalent of a minion meme on Facebook. (For those unaware, by law there has to be an unsubscribe button in every newsletter. Some are harder to find than others. The one in mine is right at the bottom in dark blue font.)

Leaving a comment is currency, even if it's criticism. Leave a comment on a blog or Instagram post saying you're unfollowing, and you will increase traffic and engagement exponentially. It's why Bravo TV is so successful; folks love a bit of drama. Hate following still provides views that benefit the individual you're supposedly unfollowing.

They say word of mouth is the best advertising, even if it's a negative review. I know this is true because I have been criticized online, and it only increased my traffic, my followers, and my subscriber rate. And it's not all hate follows; many of those curious about the drama ended up sticking around and liking me or my content.

If you're done with something online, just leave. You have better things to do with your time than announce your departure. Use your energy to find a better fit instead of dwelling on the past; you deserve it.

The Best Way to Turn Your Rant into a Resource

Take some time to think out your thoughts before you hit the keyboard. Don't be afraid to grab a notepad or the Notes app on your phone. I do this myself. Write down what is making you angry, annoyed, disappointed, frustrated, or disgusted. And then keep going. Find the why, not just the what.

When my daughter was a toddler, she loved the PBS show Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood. She learned a lot from that show, as did I. It offers simple life lessons to help little ones handle new emotions and experiences. The best one, which I still use to this day, is, “Count to four before you roar.” It's a great reminder to breathe and take a moment before reacting in any situation. In any situation, you have time to count to four before you roar, especially when you are acting as a keyboard warrior.

When you're angry, it feels good to pound out your thoughts in a comment, but gathering your thoughts and finding the why is the key to success. Your why will help get your comment read, help get support, and help improve the situation.

If you feel you've done this before and it has accomplished nothing… that is possible, but do you think your rant will do anything other than have your brain focus even more on that bad thing? Venting and ranting can temporarily feel good, but in the long run, it does not benefit us, and it surely doesn't benefit the world around us. But taking some time to figure out your why can turn your rant into a resource and increase your power online.